Choices.
Friday I made a simple choice. I chose to ignore my impulse to critically assess, moment by moment, my Dear Professor's driving skills as he navigated our way through the confusing mass of roads that comprise Pittsburgh toward an early morning appointment. Instead of adding to his stress (and mine), I closed my eyes and listened to the music on my mp3 player, abandoning all outcomes to the control of a greater Navigator than either of us.
The familiar lyrics vibrated into the depths of my heart with new meaning:
"When you love you walk on the water
Just don't stumble on the waves
We all want to go there somethin' awful
But to stand there it takes some grace
'Cause oh, we are not as strong
As we think we are" We are Not as Strong as We Think We Are by Rich Mullins
"We all want to go there somethin' awful, but to stand there it takes some grace...we are not as strong as we think we are."
No, I am not as strong as I think I am, especially in light of the last year, my Dear Professor's health crisis last November and the long convalescence that continues.
It has worn both of us down. And denying it just makes the ordeal more difficult.
And then the next song began. I was transported back 30 years to our unfurnished living room in Houston. We had been married 3 years. My Dear Professor was a lawyer then, toiling in downtown canyons of steel and glass. Our firstborn was an infant in my arms. And I was dancing with him in wild, joyful abandonment, twirling around the room.
"Sing your praise to the Lord
Come on everybody
Stand up and sing one more hallelujah
Give your praise to the Lord
I can never tell you. Just how
much good that it's
Gonna do you" Sing Your Praise to the Lord by Rich Mullins
Gratitude formed in my heart and spilled out through my eyes to remember, to be present again with God and our son in those happy times, that moment of praise. I touched again a future filled with promise. I knew that promise was still with me behind the cloud of uncertainty that had become my life now.
Above the clouds the sun is always shining.
I touched hope. Somewhere along this road I had let that go. I picked it up again. I worshiped anew.
All because of a simple choice.
A simple choice that made all the difference in that day, and the days that have followed.
What have you chosen for this day?
